Climbing out on all fours!

It has been a decent week around here. I am forgiving myself and taking steps to improve my situation and to strive for HAPPY each and every day.

The Dr. wasn't too hard on me, not as hard as I was on myself, and encouraged me to work at it and get back on track. I was grateful.

I felt well enough yesterday to grab an extra 1/2 day sub job then find out that it was a SUPER EASY assignment in 1st grade WITH a student teacher AND I was done at 10:35 because it was teacher appreciation week and parents took over recess and lunch duty.  WINNING!  That gave me a break between elementary and then a middle school assignment in the afternoon. After school I ran kids around a bit then even had the energy to make dinner.  Granted it was just Hamburger Helper but it was a start.

I work up this morning feeling well and was greeted by sunshine and opportunity.  I turned down a couple of sub jobs today to be a mom/chaperon for Will's trip to UIL Band Contest.  My guilt about saying no is lessening. I want to be the "yes" person but I also want to spend time with my kids when they are achieving and flourishing and having fun!  THAT is my priority. I will say no over and over again if it means spending time with my boys.  The district probably doesn't want to hear that but it's the truth.

Fred has put us in a situation where I do not have to work. I could never sub another day and we will be okay.  I enjoy subbing and like the feeling of contributing and sometime use it as a great excuse to say I DESERVE something or another but if I didn't get another paycheck this year we'd be okay.  That is such a good feeling.  It makes me HAPPY.

So today I am going to cheer on my boy, eat lunch at my least favorite pizza place, Gatti Town, and enjoy the time being just a mom.  That makes me feel like I am on a beautiful peak far far away from the ditch I was wallowing in last week.



image from peakery.com

I fell off the wagon and landed in a ditch.

February was a rough month. I always get a little blue in January and generally pull out of the funk by February but this year it seems to have lingered.

As I was getting my day started today I stepped on the scale and saw a VERY yucky number. What's worse is that I am headed to the Dr. tomorrow for blood work and prescription refills and of course I'll have to step on HER scale which is never as nice as my own scale and if MY scale is ugly then hers will be HIDEOUS! Ugh.

That led me to a bit of contemplation and a realization that my funk was on an extended stay and I needed it to GO HOME NOW!

I wrote myself a little note (5 pages) and tried to put to paper what the BIG things were that were challenging me.  Some were me wallowing. Some were out of  my control. And some need to be addressed with the usual culprit(s).  All are significant but minor in the whole scheme of life.

I know that I am beyond blessed.  I have a healthy family and for times when we are less than healthy we have health care.  We have amazing friends nearby who support us in good times and bad. We have family across the globe who would come to our rescue if we needed it. We don't need it but they can still come and visit ANY TIME THEY WANT!  We drive nice cars, attend a faith filled church, our kids are getting a fab education and we have a roof over our heads that many would envy. We are okay.  We are better than okay. I have no good reasons to wallow. I have no good reasons to be sad or lackadaisical.

I AM HAPPY!  Remember, that is my word! HAPPY!  I had forgotten my own word!

So starting today I am hitting the snooze bar less. I plan on attacking my mornings with GUSTO and purpose and I am going to make everyday HAPPY on some level and maybe even EVERY LEVEL.  I'll slip, I'll struggle but I will keep on keeping on and with God's grace and the support of friends and family I will be HAPPY and I will share that with all those I know.  It's only right.