Looking for change in the couch.

My least favorite time of the month is bill paying day. Fred has left this task up to me for a few years. We have passed it back and forth over the life of our marriage. It's my turn but honestly I am almost ready to pass it back to him.

I always find that we are cutting it so close (which is a relative statement). We have never NOT had money for clothes or food or a fun family activity. Fred provides for our family very well and for that we are all so thankful. We have our bills and donations direct withdrawal for the most part so it's not like I am writing a bundle of checks but just clicking the accept button and watching the balance go down and down and down ain't fun.

In reality we are well provided for but I always wish I could respond to every request for funds that comes to my mailbox. St. Judes, the American Heart Association, the homeless shelter, the band boosters. Shall I go on? I suppose I just want to help and know that in order to help others you must help yourself first.

I think the root of this anxiety lies in the fact that I contribute so little financially to our bottom line. I am the primary spender not the primary earner and that is my reality. Not looking to change it but somehow wish that someone would pay me every time I cleaned a toilet, made dinner or folded a load of laundry.  That kind of sounds like I want a job cleaning houses THIS IS NOT THE CASE! I loathe cleaning and would certainly not be worthy of being paid to take on such services.

I suppose the best I can do is continue to sub and keep my personal spending in check and set a good example for my children about prudent spending and prioritizing spending, saving and giving. And if I find a $20 bill in my winter coat from last year that is a bonus that could be shared with the American Heart Association.

The boys are challenged...

This past week or two have been challenging for both boys as they wrap up a grading period, take semester exams and begin taking TAKS practice tests. It often amazes me how hard they work and how successful they are and how seriously they take it all. I mean they aren't slackers and for that I am so proud! My boys are smart but can choose to be lazy or motivated and I am always thrilled when they choose to be motivated!

The schools that the boys attend are both the type that will not let them slack. They are watched and counted and supported and that is GREAT stuff! I just wanted to take a second as Will writes a final copy of a paper on Madame Marie Curie and Nic studies for his final semester test which is Science to acknowledge that I see that they are driven. I see that they put in the time and I know that it is partly my responsibility and but mostly theirs to complete and success and commit! I love my boys!

6 days in already? WOW!

So the week had been pretty mellow.Kids are back in school. I am trying to not run around and spend any money since all of the Dec CC bills are here. I was Martha Stewart yesterday when I stayed home, made lasagna and foccacia bread from scratch all the while laundry sheets and other stuff.

Today I was in bed. After I got the kids out the door I went back to bed. I do this sometimes and it is GREAT! Anyway I was resting pretty well when I got a call to sub. Thinking about the bills and my wonderful friends in the office I said YES and set about my day.

I didn't need to be at school till 11:30 but I got moving and made myself presentable and headed out to run an errand before heading to school. I put in my time at school and even got to press some VERY important buttons to turn off a fire alarm after a drill. The pressure I tell ya! They do not pay me enough! Tee Hee. Yes, they do. I might even do it for free. Actually sometimes I do sub for free. Let's not make too much of that though. I prefer to get paid.

Anyway I did my time in the office came home changed clothes and went back to school for a meeting. It is time to plan the end of the year 5th grade party and since I participated with Nic I feel the need to be involved with Will. It's only fair right? Well, the meeting was a good start. There were a dozen people there ready to make it fun! YEAH! I committee of 12 is BIG but the party is a BIG deal so we'll need all hands on deck.

After the meeting I returned home and helped with homework for a few before typing minutes from the party meeting. My job is done for the week.

I am soooooo looking forward to tomorrow. I am helping my pal Susan set up for a SCRAPBOOKING weekend at her house that I get to attend! Then I am going to lunch with the core of the Band Boosters then I am coming home to pack and stack and head to Susan's. It has been WAY TOO LONG since I scrapped and I am excited. CAN YOU TELL?????

So to prepare for that kind of fun. There will be food and drink and music and dancing and scrapping of course. I need to get to bed! Hoping I can grab some inspiration in my dreams tonight.

The return of order... kindof.

My life will never have real order. I don't really want it in fact. What I do want is a little routine. I like to know who needs to be where and when. I like to know what my responsibilities are with regard to house and kids and spouse. It seems that when we have a break from school (aka routine) then I am in the unknown.

The boys returned to school today and were AMAZINGLY easy to get up and moving. They both ate good breakfasts with eggs and the works. I made about the most perfect omelet of my entire life for Nic this morning! Yeah me!

Once I was able to get everyone off to school I sat for a few and just enjoyed the stillness. The house wasn't really still, lots still going on around me, but it felt more still than it had in weeks. Literally.

After everyone left and I had enjoyed the stillness I moved and moved and moved. I did laundry. I showered and dressed for the day. I ran the dishwasher. I went to the grocery. With a list! I returned phone calls. I faxed. I planned dinner. I had lunch. I worked on my OLW project. I got a headache. I got frustrated. I slowed down. I took a pill. I rested. I tried again. I got the boys. I made dinner. I finished laundry. I invited family time. I blogged. I succeeded!

And now with a true sense of accomplishment I can rest. But before I do I will take a moment and pray. I will pray for peace in my heart. Pray for friends who are ill. I will pray for travelers and students and parents I know. I will pray for my kids and my husband. I will pray for my sister and brothers and parents and those whom they love. I will pray in thanksgiving and I will pray for my wants and God will listen because it is part of the routine that we have. God and me. That routine stays even when the kids are out of school.

Grace

That's it!!!! That is my OLW for 2011.

GRACE

I had a LONG list.... I narrowed it. I researched. I narrowed some more. I reduced it down to 5. Then I just jumped in and held on and now I'm letting go and hoping that GRACE follows!

My goal in using the word GRACE is deep and shallow and everything in between. I have signed up for a year-long class through Big Picture Classes that will be taught by Ali Edwards. Ali is the one who has inspired my OLW in the past three years so this opportunity to get her perspecitve and guidance through this year is pretty appealing.

So, it is out in the universe now and I will write more and share more about the whole impact of my OLW in my life this year.