I have been a BELIEVER my whole life. I have never questioned the existence of God. I have never considered the story of Jesus to be anything but historic and true. I was born into the Catholic religion and served and worshipped that way faithfully for about... 37 years. I have left and returned. I was even once called a heretic during a speech contest at my Catholic college but still was allowed to participate. I have gone so far as to long to be a nun, or better yet a priest, at the minimum I wanted to be an alter server. I have professed my faith in the blood and body of Christ. But my longing to be a mother won out over church doctrine and I married Fred. The ceremony was blessed by the church and we eventually started a family. From there I served in the church where and when I could. I was a lector, a communion minister, I subbed in religious education classes, and helped raise money for the needy. More recently I have looked more closely at my beliefs and I do not see myself aligning completely with the Catholic church. Truth be told it has been a long time since I blindly accepted what they were telling me. My boys were baptized in the Catholic church and have each taken part in the sacraments of reconciliation and Eucharist. Fred the same. But all those sacraments don't make us any more christian than our own personal beliefs do. As the spiritual leader of my family, not necessarily by choice, I am feeling the need to replant ourselves at a new church this year. To get back to GOD. We could have stayed put and been "cafeteria Catholics" that pick and chose what we agree with and what we don't. I have been in that group for a while but never felt good about it. Never felt pure of spirit. The guilt over the guilt was just too much.
The church we attended yesterday was called Crosspoint. It is a nice church, not too far from our home. We know a few families that attend there. It is VERY contemporary compared to what we are used to. However, since the majority of what I listen on the radio in the car is Christian music we were all pretty much able to sing along. The service started with 4-5 songs. Then a bit of prayer, another song and then the meat of the service, a sermon from Pastor Mark. He had a little help from some members of the church who were encouraging people to consider giving of their time and talents to the children's ministry. A common plea no matter what church you attend right? Pastor Mark preached about Luke 22: 24-38 and spent about 25 minutes explaining to me the significance of 14 verses from an AMAZING book full of significant verses. The boys did great at engaging and paying attention and a conversation later in the evening showed direct application of the messages of the sermon. I was so thrilled. Most days that we went to the Catholic church the boys could not even tell me what the reading was, let alone what the homily topic was. My heart filled with joy.
I am not fully satisfied the Crosspoint is where we will stay and worship. I need to learn more about them and they need to learn more about us. They may not want us. I'm not sure I want to participate in early childhood ministry.
Today I am grateful for the choices that we have as a family. We will continue to search for a faith community that feels welcoming. A church where we can worship and serve, yes I heard you Pastor Mark!, and join in christian fellowship with other believers. I am looking forward to the next portion of this faith journey that we will take part in together. The boys' opinion count and I want them to feel comfortable wherever we land.
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In the beginning, catholic was a word with Greek orgins, and synoymous with universal...you know the stories--a few good men on a mission were supported and directed by smart, loving, childbearing women to share the universal catholic good news of an awesome leader, a teacher, a rabbi, 'community organizer' for social and economic justice. Then, as men would be men, the guys organized themselves into a Catholic hierarcy, and tada--a Vatican State, set forth some membership rules, dressed up in funky costumes, and participated in the politics and economics of world affairs. Susan, I share so many of your beliefs and experiences--a generation and Vatican II before your time! And though much has changed, when it comes to the Catholic Church, too much has remained the same--and that's what seems to me to be the shame. So gather, advocate, communicate, be an Obama-like community organizer, or share the works of Pastor Mark at Crosspoint. Learn some amazing traditions at a Temple Shalom, listen to the influence of Esther, Ruth, and Miriam (Moses & Aaron needed her singing and dancing to move the crowd across the Red Sea--or they'd have drowned waiting around deciding who was in charge!) Visit a Temple to the Goddess of Friendships in Taiwan or wonder with me how many millions of children could have been fed had the Taj Mahal not been built as a tomb to honor a beautiful and everlasting love? Yet would we ever tear down a cathedral, or not enjoy a Mardi Gras or Midnight Mass and beam with pride when Shannen and Natalie receive First Eucharist. (I sort of prefer First Communion--easier to 'get it' as uniting with everyone, but hey, changing language is one of those hierarchical decisions. Oops, as usual, I digress...that's the journey of believing and thinking and sharing.) So, of course, attend the Baptist Church down the block with the most amazing choir, make time to study some of athiest Christopher Hutchins' end of life thoughts about the existence of god, or hang out in a meadow of Texas Wildflowers as only Mother Nature & LadyBird could 'engineer'and create. The only universal truths are those we discover and believe and hold dearest for ourselves. Remember those 3 theological virtues we were 'told' were only 'given' at Baptism as some kind of 'prize' for joining up? Faith, and hope are internal, and I believe, universal to all of humanity, not Catholic 'exclusives' And, the greatest of these, according to that charming misogynist, Paul, is love. Love is the virtue that is like a candle light--the more you give away, the stronger the vision and the more beautiful the reflection. No membership dues required, no absolutes, but always choices and consequences to consider. It never mattered to ME if I went to church as much as it mattered to OTHERS. When it matters to ME, then it really matters most.
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